How to not allow your children to do the guilt trip thing on you unnecessarily. We were on time this morning. It is Friday morning and we are on time! I did not want a repeat of the last two days. What happened you ask? Well for one, I had to go fetch my son at school Wednesday morning. I was informed via his phone call, that they had 1 minute left before school starts, to enter the school yard, and while they were running to the gate. Jason said, that the teacher on gate duty, looked them in the eyes and just closed the gate on them. Jason, my son, was now standing outside the school yard, missing another day of school, just because he cannot afford to receive another red letter, for being late, as the hockey coach warned him, that he will lose his place on the hockey team. I asked Jason, so where is Levi, and this was the story I got:” Levi, had to take a red letter for being late and attend school, as the school gave him a warning that if he misses school one more day, that he will flunk the year.” Thus, the boys were late for school, on Wednesday, due to Levi’s dad being late. Then Thursday morning, the following day Jason and I were on time, We left the house at 6h30, and we were on our way to go pick up Levi, Jason’s friend. Got there, at 6h35. Great, we are early. Levi’s mom then send me a WhatsApp message of: ” Remember, it is our turn to take the boys to school.” My reply was, “I am going to stay, and wait, should you guys not be on time.” And I was correct, they were not. I did inform everybody the on Thursday that we have to leave the house at 6h45 latest. That way I can make sure that Jason gets to school on time, and does not get kicked off of the hockey team. Thus, Thursday morning, it was 6h40, I got out of the car and called Jason to come. Jason replied'” Mom, they are going to drop us off today”.
After I, threw him out of my car, well, not really, after I saw that it was very tempted to throw him out of the car. I was thinking to myself as I drove away, as to how do I need to handle this situation now. Father God, what do I do with this situation now? God was doing the silence thing on me, so I drove to my mom’s house in silence. I got to my spiritual mom’s house and decided that I am not going to discuss it with her, as I will discuss this with Father God only and hear what He has to say. My mom boiled water for tea. My spiritual mom is telling her story: She started talking to me about her daughter accusing her for not, making the correct decisions in her life, and how it affected her daughter negatively, plus that my spiritual mom did not give her enough love. She told me that her daughter had her feeling guilty for years, until one day when somebody asked my mom if she was around when her daughter chose her boyfriend? My mom said, “No.” The lady asked my mom a second question,” Did your daughter ask you if she could marry her husband?” My mom replied, “No”.
I replied,” I can see that they are going to leave after 6h45 again, and you two boys are going to be late for school again. Come boys, let’s go.” Jason came with,”No mom”. I thought that I was going to head butt him and then flatten him with a knee to the stomach, ending with a right hook. I raised my voice,” Jason, get your arse in the car.” While I grabbed my son’ s school bookcase, to put it back into our car again. I yelled at Jason again, commanding him to get in our car. So Jason and I both got into our car, with a mumbling and grumbling. We drove to school, just him and I, as we left his buddy, Levi behind, as he was going to drive with his family today. My son started by saying that I over reacted and that it was rude of me on what I have done. My reply was just,: “ You need to show some respect, and shut up. I am your mother!” We drove the rest of the way in silence and in anger. We hardly said goodbye, as I dropped him off at school.
My mom realised then with a shock, that she was played. My mom did not need to get her daughter’s permission with the choices that she made, as her daughter was still in the house, and thus a child under the authority of the parent. My mom was taking responsibility for something that was never hers to start with. All of our parents made mistakes, but we never blamed them, or accused them, and if you as the child did come to such a realisation, you forgive them, move on, and try not to make the same mistakes as they did. Susan’s story: I then remembered that Susan’s daughter did the same to her mom in August 2022. Going back to the year of December 2016. Susan was a single mom, had a daughter in high school, and a son in primary school. She got retrenched, November 2016, a year after her husband passed away, and the only work that she could find was to work as a fulltime bartender. It was tough being single again. All of the financial pressure is on you and the upbringing of the kids, so she got involved with a guy in December 2016 till April 2017, who had a 16year old son, and little did she know how much trouble this dad and son, would bring into her life. It was only 5 years later, in August 2022, that Susan’s daughter brought on the biggest cell phone storm, that Susan has every experienced, and it caught her so offguard, that she could not think straight.. Her daughter, Mickey, accused Susan of being a terrible mom, because of bringing terrible people home to live with them. Mickey went on, “Your boyfriend’s son, raped me one night, and I fell pregnant, I was pregnant with triplets and was helped by a neighbour to get an abortion, as I told her, that my mom can never find out.” “Me getting raped was your fault!” Mickey yelled at her mother. It went on for a while, and Susan was informed of how Mickey could not speak to Susan, as Susan kept on saying that she was tired, working as a fulltime bartender, and that Susan did not believe Mickey at that stage in her life. Susan’s head was spinning afterward, and she was feeling super guilty in regards to the atomic bomb that her daughter just dropped on her, while trying to make sense of it. Susan was thinking back 3 or 4 years, but could not remember of any irregularities going on under her roof. She could not remember many things during that period as at that time, Susan was mostly working as a full time bartender, always tired, with permanent brain fog. She asked herself questions.
Would she not have noticed if her daughter was pregnant? Would she not have sensed that something was going on? Susan was trying to find answers, but found nothing. Ronel’s story: Both her daughters accused her of being a bad mom, as both of them told her, years after they had left the house, that they were molested by one of her boyfriend’s and that she made poor decisions which affected their lives negatively. Ronel was broken the day that her girls decided to dump this on her. How the end came about: It was Friday evening. I was done working at the restaurant. Cash up was done, and everything was packed away. I was thinking about all that was said the past few days and still wondering how do I need to respond, as I have decided not to feel guilty for taking control and enforcing my parental authority. The Holy Spirit gave me a reminder in regards to my son, and that was that I have learned over the years, that he acted out when he was not happy. Meaning that he was naughty, according to our standards, when he was not happy. I was on my way to go pick up my son, and while I was driving, I asked Father God to just put the correct words in my mouth, to sort this tender subject, and to put it to rest. I got to my son’s friend’s house. He got into the car, and to my surprise he was friendly and respectful. Like he had some revelation of what he did wrong, and that it was majorly disrespectful to me, his mom. There were no apologies coming from his mouth, thus I decided it is time for me to say something regarding the argument of Wednesday. I opened my mouth, and what I uttered, was definitely not part of what I envisioned to say. I heard myself saying: “Jason, I apologise for not keeping quiet about me being unhappy with our current accommodation. I know that with me complaining about not being happy, with our accommodation, that it gave you legal permission to complain about you not being happy, and wanting to move, thus you acted out, by becoming naughty or in my view, disrespectful.” I was stunned about me apologising, but I did also learn during my years, that if I want somebody to ask me to forgive them, that I need to forgive the other party first, and so, the issue was put to rest. We drove home, with no mountains between us, and respect was visible in his voice and actions.
Glory to God!!! Conclusion: We sometimes want to act on a situation, without the proper understanding as to what is truly being played out, what is the message between the lines? I have learned over the years, that most situations has a greater message between the lines, the real message, than what is spoken out loud.